...a feeling so real, so deep

sometimes when i'm in a complete state of worship, i just walk out. i don't walk out of worship, but i walk out of the room. because in some sort of obscure way, in my mind, i want to stay in that pure state of wonder. i feel that if i leave mid-worship, i stay mid-worship forever and ever and ever. but of course the bad times come and corrupt that mid-worship. flesh grabs me and invades my thoughts. and then i strive to get back. i strive to reach that point again. that point of walking out and adoring every step along the way.

this has been my focus lately. just living every moment, every day. mid-worship. worship, because that's what I was created to do.

....in the midst of a crowded room. aisles filling and weighted down chairs. in the center of muffled voices. people laughing. whispering thoughts. prayers being raised. voices lifted high. she sits there. she sits alone. hands clasped and head to her knees. she rocks in her chair of security. the comforting emptiness all around. one with her emotions. eyes sealed shut, by choice. blind to outward occurences. she begins to whisper. softly she raises her melody. she sings the harmony alone. making up the words as the guitar strums its chords. listening for that voice above all others. time passes. seconds tick and minutes vanish. she waits. she longs to hear that voice of peace. an angelic simplicity above the others. waiting. listening. waiting. waiting. and then she hears it. above the noise. above the drum beats and the guitars. that simple melody is heard. the voice is raised above all others. her ears are the only listening for it. she hears a beauty far beyond the rest. she feels her heart beat and blood race. a feeling so real, so deep inside. she heard it. she felt it. in a state of complete awe she walks out. she leaves the crowd of characters and numberless chairs. she walks out with a sense of awe. she walks out continuing her prayer....

Father, God, Lord, embrace my very heart.